Internet Mixtape

David Blaine Explains How He Held His Breath for 17 Minutes

I sure love TED talks, for a lot of different reasons. But one of the best reasons is that you can take a giant d-bag like David Blaine and put him on TED's stage, and it magically cures him, for the duration of his talk, of most of his douchebaggery. He actually sounds, at times, like he's not entirely comfortable with all the things he does to himself. 

Introducing the Inevitable: Three Worf Moon

You know you already thought of it, but didn't have the guts to make it happen. Twitter user dinoignacio has taken a necessary step for us all, and I, for one, thank him for it. So is anyone going to actually make this thing real so I can buy it, please?

 

(via Fernando Rizo, via Buzzfeed, via Twitpic)

Twits: Dramatic Readings of Celebrity Twitter Updates

This is more or less the best thing ever. The girl reading P. Diddy is great, but the Lindsay Lohan guy has something special going on.

(via Metafilter)

The Only Upside of Widespread Global Warming

...is that Bearsharktopus will lose its natural habitat: your deepest, darkest fears.

I know, it's a few days stale already, but last week, for no real reason, someone posted the following image to Reddit because he "knows Reddit likes bears and sharks."

Nice job! As expected, within minutes came the first build, Bearsharktopus:

Then, within a matter of minutes....Baconbearsharktopus, Smokedbaconbearsharktopus, and, naturally, Gentlesmokedbaconbearsharktopus:

But these were all merely appetizers to the main course, which, if we're honest with ourselves and with our culture, we knew was inevitable...Three Bearsharktopus Moon:

The circle is now complete. And I haven't even mentioned "Obama fights Bearsharktopus." So much lulz, so little time...

Raiders of the Lost Ark, Re-Imagined as a 1950's Serial

What if Forrest Gump was made in 1949, directed by Frank Capra, and starred Jimmy Stewart? Or if in the late 40's, Charton Heston introduced the Indiana Jones character in Raiders of the Lost Ark, racing Peter Lorre to find the Ark of the Covenant alongside Gregory Peck and Anthony Quinn?

YouTube user whoiseyevan, a self-described "writer/filmmaker trying to get his big break,"  has put together an amazing series of trailers for popular movies from the 1980's and 1990's, re-imagining / editing them as if they were created in the 1940's and 50's

Here's his hacked trailer for Raiders of the Lost Ark...given his avowed love of old adventure serials, I have to imagine George Lucas would really appreciate this labor of love:

A quick dive into the notes for this video explains that to make this trailer, whoiseyevan took publicly available clips the following movies: The 10 Commandments, Prince Valiant, Naked Jungle, Secret of the Incas, Jungle Queen, Zulu, Look to Lockheed for Leadership, Casablanca, The City of Brass, Mr. Moto takes a Vacation, Star in My Crown, A Pain in the Pullman, On Dangerous Ground, Patton, King Solomons Mines, Journey to the Center of the Earth, The Greatest Show on Earth, David and Bathsheba, The Screaming Skull, When You Know, Mysterious Mr. Moto, Lawrence of Arabia, Raiders of the Lost Ark, The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles, and Superman at Bay.

Here are some of his other trailer pre-makes, for Ghostbusters and Forrest Gump, respectively:

Less than 24-Hours Later, the Kanye Mashups Begin

And this is probably the best possible application of this priceless bit of audio imaginable. I thought that nothing could quite top the Family Guy / Christian Bale freakout mashup, but this comes pretty damn close:

Whoever made this is an internet genius.

Digg: Ur Doing it Wrong

The Keyboard Cat Meme Achieves Perfection

This is what it looks like when a meme reaches absolute perfection, leaving nowhere to go but down. It's not fair, really. Don't get me wrong...ALL keyboard cat videos are great, but when you compare all the other keyboard cats created up until now to this video, it's like comparing 1 carat diamonds to one of those diamonds that has it's own name, like the Marquess du Papillon, or something. They're all diamonds, but only one was stolen from a dragon, has the power to both start and end wars and might even be cursed.

Not even TV Carnage, my favorite necromancers of vintage television programming, could have done better with this old anti-PCP PSA clip featuring Helen Hunt (is that even what this is?). 

The Longest Marathon Time in History

This man is named Shizo Kanakuri. During the marathon event in the 1912 Summer Olympics in Stockholm, Sweden, he became exhausted and decided to stop at a garden party he passed along the route. After accepting a glass of orange juice from his hosts, he hung around for an hour, returned to his hotel and traveled back to Japan the next day. Ashamed at his inability to finish the race, he never told a soul that he was leaving.

Only problem is, he was an official Olympic competitor. It would be like if Michael Phelps just never showed up at the other end of the pool and no one knew where he went. As a result, Kanakuri has been officially listed as a missing person in Sweden ever since!

Displaying a fairly surprising nonchalance, Swedish Intelligence apparently never bothered to, you know, look around Japan, where he was from, or pay attention to subsequent Olympic marathons, in which he competed (and, hopefully, completed). Because in the 1960's, a journalist for Swedish Television with even a modicum of initiative found Kanakuri living in southern Japan.

Possibly relieved that they could finally close a cold case that had been open for half a century, in 1966 Sweden invited Kanakuri back to Stockholm to finish his aborted race, and he accepted.

His final marathon time? 54 years, 8 months, 6 days, 8 hours, 32 minutes and 20.3 seconds. FTW.

(via FutilityCloset)

1. Set up Auto Tune 2. Cue Office Setting 3.???? 4. Profit

Sleuthed up from the interwebs by my partner in crime Fernando "Jar-Jar" Rizo:

 

Auto Tuning from Casey D on Vimeo.

I can't think of any other music gimmick that has become as ubiquitously hilarious as the Auto Tune vocoder effect, which is doubly awesome because I can only assume that it's initial adoption was a more or less serious artistic decision. Yet for some reason, jokes about Auto Tune and incongruous uses of it, like the video above, have become fairly ubiquitous on the interwebs. What is it about Auto Tune that is so endlessly a) appealing to R&B artists and b) useful for creating lulz?

Is there an answer to this question? Or is it enough to simply say that Auto Tune is the Comic Sans of the music world?